For the first day I was able to partner with Sister Grace, Rose (Southland) and Daniel (Salt and Light) to do the street evangelism and I think it was during this time where i truely experience the urgency of the gospel in OTR. I think this was also the time where i realize how much i needed God's strength and courage to preach the gospel to people in this area. Right when i stepped out the door, i was totally scared to even be outside in OTR cause it was said to be a dangerous place. But seeing Daniel just approach the first person he saw and totally whip out the gospel and to see Sister Grace in action was totally inspiring. Sister Grace was AMAZING! I got to see her talk to this one big African American guy and she was all in his face and telling him the greatness of God and how we are His Children and that we need to receive Jesus. Can u imagine? some 50 year old looking lady is talking to big scary gangsters..shes definately is very bold and loves the people of OTR. Just seeing these people at work gave me the courage again to talk about Jesus and it just reminded me how i loved to tell people about the gospel...after all, its the most important thing to me
The second day wasnt as good. I think it was because i wasnt fully submissive to my leader since i really wanted to work with Sister Grace again and this time i just worked with this staff person. The people i talked with were already Christians which isnt a bad thing. Everyone was asked to prepare a 3 min testimony thingy to present to everyone and i decided to do it on Hebrews 13: 17. I think the reason was that i realized that the time i went out with Sister Grace to evangelize, i was totally submissive to her and just letting her lead me anyway she wanted and i was totally blessed because i saw that the gospel brought her joy and seeing her in joy, it gave me joy to talk about the gospel too and i think by just letting her push me into telling the gospel it made her happy because i was willing to be lead by her. So the whole joy thing worked both ways. As for the 2nd leader, i put her at a lower level than Sister Grace and at times didnt think she was good enought to be my leader so maybe thats why i didnt feel as blessed...but when i was giving my testimony, i rambled about how the gospel was needed to be preached and how Sister Grace was an inspiration so i didnt get to get my point across....WHEN YOU ARE SUBMISSIVE, THE JOY OF DOING THE WORK GOES BOTH WAYS.
There was also a day where we went to the University of Cinncinatti (UC) to share the gosel to the students since the Pastors of the OTR Living Water ministry wanted to have more older brothers and sisters to help minister to the kids on Sunday at church and just in general. I was more confortable this type of ministry since it was basically like campus EV at UCSD. i got to talk to a few people and share the gospel with them and i mostly meet with Catholic people and they were willing to take a tract and check out the church...didnt get to have people come and meet with our pastor about it ( we were split into 4 groups and each group was suppose to kinda "recruit" people to the ministry and when we find people who were willing, we were to lead them to our designated restaurant place so they can talk to the pastors about it...werid...) however we got to get some information from this one Korean kid who was interested but dunno how that will go...he didnt come meet and eat with our pastor because he already brought lunch...but i think it was a good experience or at least a good learning experience for my partners Christian (Southland....this one kid laughed at his name because he IS Christian haha) and Nam-Soon since they didnt know how to minister to college kids since the 4 point gospel (the way to share the gospel to people we meet) that we learned during the School of Evangelism didnt work with some people like college kids.
Children's Retreat
My little sister was Nisha (15) and to tell everyone the truth, she was a brat. She was rude and rebellous and how i put it "Spawn of Satan" (cant believe some people never heard of this expression...) I totally hated being with her and was soOoOo frustrated at how to minister to this kid. I felt like everything i was doing was wrong, including trying to fit in with her group of friends. i felt so fake. I didnt know what to do and i was praying throughout the day asking for God to give me strength to just be able to survive the retreat cause i totally just wanted isolate myself to cry my eyes out. I guess i was suffering so much that even the Kairos team and some other people could tell that i was suffering from even being 3 feet with her. (thanks for the encouragement) At the end of the day, the Kairos girls told me that they would pray for me and so we went into the bathroom that was by the cabin room and i just told them how i was feeling and how I didnt want to disappoint God by running away but at the same time i felt so lost on what to do to control Nisha and show her God's love. But i knew that God gave me her for a reason and that i couldnt just run away from it. So they prayed for me and after that i just sat on my bed for a bit and prayed some more and just surrender everything to God and just allow Him to use me and give me open doors to share His love with her. during this time i just wanted to sit outside and cry until i was content but it was like 1 am so i couldnt go outside by myself. so i just went to bed.
The next day was feeling a little better and i think i was able to communicate better with Nisha and i seemed to be able to control her more. Later on i told her i wanted to talk to her but the room we were in was too loud cause people were playing a game so we went down to where our beds were (suggusted by Nisha!) and we sat on her bed and i did some small talk and asked about her mom's church background and about her's. Then i opened up the topic of the gospel by asking "If u were to die right now, do u think u will go to heaven?" and she didnt know is she would so i asked "Dont u want to know how to get to heaven? dont u want to go?" and she nodded so i told her that i will tell her how...i asked what she knew about Jesus and she said she didnt know much so i just presented the gospel to her and threw in some facts about the Holy Spirit because she didnt know who the Holy Spirit was and then made an important point that when u accept Christ as your Lord and Savior, you have to be willing to let the Holy Spirit to change you and to be willing to live a life that is pleasing to God. I also mention that being a Christian isnt easy but since we have God's inheritance to look forward to, its all worth it! so i asked if she watned to accept Christ as her savior and she said YES...i prayed the sinner's prayer with her (with her repeating after me) and then prayed a prayer of blessing and then told the Pastor about Nisha's acceptance and for them to pray for her. I also told her to promise me to read the Book of John when she finds her Bible at home. (hopefully she will...) i also asked her where she was going to go when she said and she said "Heaven"..AMEN!
The morning of the last day of the retreat, after i was done doing my quiet time, i asked Nisha if she wanted to read the Bible with me and she said yes. so i went over 1 Corinthians 13 with her and told her to read out loud to me verses 4-8. I then explained some of the words that she might not have understood in the passage and gave some background info about Corinthians (went on a ramble about Paul and how he was a super Christian) and also shared some of my testimony with her and how i was mocked by my family when they found out i was Christian and she seemed receptive to everything i said. after i prayed for us and mentioned how the verses she read was how God's love is and prayed for her to experience and imiate this love to those around her. after that i mentioned how she has a lot of good qualities as a person (outgoing, brave, speaks her mind) and that she should use them for good thing e.g giving encouragements, love, and serving. after that we went to breakfast. even tho there are some incidences where she still acts off, overall i can see slight changes in her from when i first met her and i can see her attitude becoming better. I hope to be her discipler (writing letters, calling, texting) and hopefully i can minister to her fully and help her to grow closer to God. (please pray for her!!!) after lunch, we were on our way home to OTR
Coming to an End
After the retreat, all that was left was this Hispanic dinner (ministering to the Hispanic community of OTR) Joseph house (minister to war veterans..mostly done by the brother but the ladies prepared food) and Matthew's block party for the kids and adults of OTR (music, games, face paint, food, etc) a lot of fellowship time and just getting to know the other people better. I definately made some strong bonds with a lot of people from other churches and deepened some with Kairos. YAY!!!
Reflection I feel that OTR is close to REVIVAL happening because people are receptive to the gospel and want to confess Jesus as their Lord and Savior but most of the time they fall back to their old ways because they dont know what to do next. I think if the ministry would focus more on being more involved with the people (which i'm sure they are doing) they will truely experience the gospel in its entirely, also maybe if they know that to be truely saved is to not only confess Jesus and Lord and Savior, but to also live life as Jesus...making him Lord of your life and to be obedient to his teachings...to be willing to let the Holy Spirit to change and renew you...live a new lifestyle.
So i went through a 10 min career crisis cause i was looking through an old friend's facebook and on her employee thing she has an internship and a job for whatever career she's in (Bernice told me that she recently-ish received Christ! =DDD) but anyways i guess it was kinda a wake-up call for me cause i'm a total idiot. During this break, on and off i've applied for lab assisting jobs and i havent gotten ANYTHING BACK...i think this past year i applied to like a good 20 jobs but nothing has came up...totally REJECTED.
i'm like going through a GPA crisis again (no surprise) cause it dropped like .1 or something...seems like that 3.0 is never gonna come back to me...also i was looking at my brother's report cards and he's a freakin 4.0 student (those days are over for me) whatever..good for him cause i guess if i fail then my mom can rely on him. I feel so bad cause my mom is spending TONS of money on college for me (money that the college doesnt need to get..geez) and i dont think i'm getting anywhere with it...when i got home she talks about other family's kids that have graduated college and started working (epecially that family down the street from them...i've always dispised them cause of it...) and one of the kids is like making 100,000 a year doing what i want to do (or it seemed like it when my mom described it..) but i feel like i'm leading my mom astray with her thinking that i'm some top student thats gonna come out of college with a high paying job...
WHY DOES THE WORLD CCCAAARREE??? i hate grades...if they just see that i'm capable isnt that enough? am i actually going to use any of the thermodynamics/ physical chemistry that i've learned? NO! probably not. what a waste of money and time. but this entry is about faith...so after looking at pfizer's website about summer interns and how they wanted people with a 3.0 i was praying/complaining to God about whhhyyyyy is it 3.0? whhhyyy GPA? wwhhhyyyyyyyyyyyiiiiiieeeee???
well after complaining i started praying more for guidance..my purpose...my role in His kingdom...why am i here? why am i studying this? why am i placed in this postition? i need patience..i know God has SOMETHING for me. He's preparing it and i need to wait till He's done...but i just want to have assurence...but i guess to have that faith is kinda out of the picture. soo after praying i decided to read the Bible (after not really doing so for like a week...x_X...yay preparing for mission!! just being honest) so i've been going thru Hebrews for like the past century it seems and i decided to skip chapter and i came across chapter 11 and it had the title "By Faith" and basically talked about all the OT people that has faith in God and God pulled through for them. but some verses that made me feel a little better
Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. -Hebrews 11:1
And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. - Hebrews 11:6
And what more shall I say? For time will fail me if I tell of Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, of David and Samuel and the prophets, who by faith conquered kingdoms, performed acts of righteousness, obtained promises, shut the mouths of lions, quenched the power of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, from weakness were made strong, became mighty in war, put foreign armies to flight.
Women received back their dead by resurrection; and others were tortured, not accepting their release, so that they might obtain a better resurrection; and others experienced mockings and scourgings, yes, also chains and imprisonment. They were stoned, they were sawn in two, they were tempted, they were put to death with the sword; they went about in sheepskins, in goatskins, being destitute, afflicted, ill-treated (men of whom the world was not worthy), wandering in deserts and mountains and caves and holes in the ground.
And all these, having gained approval through their faith, did not receive what was promised, because God had provided something better for us, so that apart from us they would not be made perfect. -Hebrews 11:32-40
Faith is hard to have...so more praying is needed!!
GOOD FRIDAY: service was pretty good! i think Pastor Mark presented his message well and i think i learned a lot about what Christ has to go thru by bearing all the sins of the WORLD from the past, present AND FUTURE AND the WRATH OF GOD...dude...only Jesus can take it
BASPTISM SATURDAY: it was SOOO COLD!! and i was disappointed that we had to take down all our amp's and speakers..NO AMPLIFIED MUSIC?!?! WHHAAAT?! wish people just mind their own business..SHOOT! we should be free to celebrate Jesus' awesomeness anyway we freakin want...POOP ON YOUR FACES whatever...God is still proud that we were nice enough to obey haha
EASTER SUNDAY TOMORROOOWWW!!! can't wait for the craziness and busy-ness that gonna go down tomorrow!! i love being busy hahaha especially with things that i love to do..PERFORMANCES!!! dude...brings back concerts from choir days awesomenessssss...
dude...getting old....last quarter of 2nd year and freakin 2 years of college gone almost...whao!!! (need to bring that GPA UP!) also my birthday is coming up in like 3 weeks and ima be saying good-bye to the teenage years 20!!! what a borning number....*sigh* but duddee i guess it gives me a change to restock on the things i lost haha maybe God will give me a present haha
THINGS I WISH FOR:
1) My ID card...where art thou? 2) My KAIROS football jersey...why did the company that made it have to stop using the color??? i dont want a different GREEENNN 3) an adaptor for my cell phone (need 3.5 mm one) so i can listen to music....or a 2.5mm (i think) headphones so i can connect it to the one i have since they just HAVE to make awkward size adaptors...lost it 3 times in my life so far
4) mp3 player...dude...i'm satisfied with 1 or 2 G's...what the crap is this 80G business with stupid iPods? your battery will die before you listen to all of the songs...i hate iPods...Macs...iPhone...iANYTHING i boycott anything from Apple Inc...unfortunately my cell phone uses itunes which i think is soooo stupid because if i want to get songs from people i cant cause of the stupid sync and erase crap thing....stupid Apple..POOP ON YOUR FACE
sadness...all the things i actaully want is cause i lost them haha
Dude..so i think this is gonna be a long entry but it totally like affected me
So service today was CRAZY...not just because of the awsome worship that totally brought in the Holy Spirit but the message as well. I think Pastor Jason did a good job with being real to the congregation about who Jesus really is and that the Gospel is not something to be tossed around in the air. But the heart of this entry is really when the Holy Spirit did like a full tackle on my during the sermon. Right when Pastor Jason said "IT MATTERS WHAT WE DO WITH THE GOSPEL" and how he said that it mattered when his friend continued to pray for his salvation and to continue to speak of the gospel to him no matter how many times he said he hated Christians or whatever. Cause right now he's training to be a full pastor and a servent of God.
IT MATTERS WHAT WE DO WITH THE GOSPEL. It mattered to me when my deacon asked me to go to that Christian conference. It mattered to me that Francis Chan spoke the gospel to the crowd of 100,000 people when half of them weren't listening It mattered to me that Jesus died for my sins so that i can be free from Satan's grasp It mattered to me that Jesus won the victory for me It mattered to me when i took that walk down to the stage to accept this victory It mattered to me that my God who is HOLY and PERFECT would even think or care about someone who is so SINFUL, BROKEN, and UNCLEAN It mattered to me that by the grace of God that i was able get permission to be baptized from my mom who hated the fact that I have chosen to live for Christ It mattered to me that through all the pain and sorrow of my family persecusion because of my lifestyle that i was able to grow even more closer to God It mattered to me that when God called ME do his work in the mission field today that i would get up and obey.
IT MATTERS WHAT WE DO WITH THE GOSPEL
So have you ever been totally taken over my the Holy Spirit? apart from when when i accepted Christ, this was one of those times. So what does it feel like? To be totally honest, its kinda scary. My whole body was shaking from head to toe and i was crying uncontrollably like one of those cries when u cant catch ur breath and it takes like the whole day trying to shake off the feeling to go back to normal and not die from lack of breathing and ur heart pumping 100x per minute. Also thinking back at it, i wondering if this is what its going to feel like when i meet Jesus face to face? That i'm going to cry the "i-cant-breathe" cry and that my whole body will just start to shake that i cant even stand anymore. I get the chills just thinking about it. How will it feel to be in the presence of my LORD and SAVIOR? To be held by him and being told that its okay to cry and that its okay to be afraid and scared of this feeling. I guess thats what it means to be GOD-FEARING. But just to able to stand before Jesus is so great that I wouldnt mind the scary feeling.
Of course it was kinda werid for me at the same time cuz the sermon wasnt over yet and i was trying to be too loud about it (i never cried during a sermon at church before o.0) but i was glad that Pastor Jason ended it and worship started with a loud song so i can just let it out. So the important part was that i never been on a mission before and why? For the fact that my family is not Christian and how would i break it to my mom that i want go to take a plane to a place where i have no idea where it is just so i can shared the gospel to people who are total strangers? i think that was the main reason for my tears. That i always wanted to go out on the mission field but the fact that i might not be able to because of my mom is something thats been holding me back. Also the fact that i've planed the summer for summer school but that was minor. what about money? of course i know God will provide and i hope that i wouldnt have to ask my mom for any. I guess the only thing i need to worry about now is to get my mom's permission to go through with it. Sure i'm like 19 years old (probably 20 at that time) and i dont need the persmission but i would be a good testimony to my mom that i'm serious about Jesus and theres nothing to hold me back (i hope she doesnt disown me or anything if i totally go without her saying yes). So BIG prayers are needed.....
-mom's permission (i always said i wanted to go to church things to have fun...i wonder if i can still use that "cover-up" since sharing the gospel can be fun ) -money for the trip (hopefully i can get a job since i applied for some) -follow-thru with the calling (i'm totally scared about it so i hope i dont back out cuz thats bad..so need courage) -prep for the mission field
hopefully i didnt read the calling wrong...that maybe i was just suppose to step it up to share the gospel/nurture the seeds that i have planted in my roomates but i'm pretty sure it was to go on mission...so i guess u can pray for that too.....GOD WILL PROVIDE
i have been told that i have a heart for evangelism and i think i kinda do..its messed up that people are dying everyday without hearing of Jesus...its messed up that people like me have the answer to the purpose of life but we're so too selfish/scared to share it with others (freakin suck it up and go tell them that Jesus love them)...its messed up that we have something that makes us so happy and so peaceful yet all we want to do is keep it to ourselves..."For we cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard." (Acts 4:20)
my calling....OTR...here i come (i hope)
It is true that some preach Christ out of envy and rivalry, but others out of goodwill. The latter do so in love, knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel. The former preach Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely, supposing that they can stir up trouble for me while I am in chains.[a]But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice.
Philipians 1:15-18
He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation. Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned.
Mark 16:15-16
Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in[a] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
whatever...God is still proud that we were nice enough to obey haha
